Craze
by Sofricus Aurora Zakuro
Summary: Sophie gets into a little Christmas craze...Christmas drabblefic, will probably continue. Warning: random.
1. Chapter 1

Craze

By Sofri-chan

**Sofri-chan: **Wow it's refreshing to write something not TMM. This is a for now oneshot in time for Christmas. I might write more chapters, they will all be drabbles like this one.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own HMC or Santa Claus. By the way this is based off the movie as I haven't yet read the book.

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"HOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLL!!"

A loud yelled split the formerly peaceful atmosphere of the moving castle. Howl, the powerful, handsome, and more than slightly egotistical wizard who called the castle his home, sunk lower into the bathwater and attempted to ignore the yells.

It was hopeless. A moment later, a second yell split the air. "HOWL! She's going _crazy!_"

_Could this family GET any more dysfunctional? _Howl thought moodily. _I already have to put up with a grumpy fire demon, an insane witch, an immature apprentice, and a coughing dog! **Why **must Sophie get these crazy ideas? _

Finally dressed, the sorcerer hurried down the stairs to see what the problem was. It was obvious. Calcifer, his fire demon, crouched at the edge of the hearth, yelling for Howl at the top of his lungs. A tall, silver-haired girl—Howl's girlfriend, Sophie—crouched over him, a crazed glint in her eyes. She held a red-and-white hat in her hands.

"Come on, Cal," Sophie begged, "It's nearly Christmastime, and I got everyone _else _to wear Santa hats! Why won't you? This one's even fireproof!"

"No!" Calcifer yelled. "No, crazy lady! Get away…Howl! Help me Howl! She wants me to wear that!"

Confused, Howl quickly scanned the room, trying to figure out what was going on. It soon became apparent. Markl was busy mixing potion ingredients in the corner, wearing a Santa hat like the one in Sophie's hand. The dog, Heen, crouched under an armchair, coughing spasmodically. The girl had forced a hat on him too, and he wasn't taking it well. The Witch of the Waste snoozed on her couch, oblivious to her own hat.

Howl shivered, wondering what had come upon his girlfriend. "Sophie…leave Cal alone…" he tried to tell her.

She turned to him, "Oh, hello Howl…" she said slowly, then before he could duck, pounced on him. A moment later, the all-powerful Howl was wearing a silly red-and-white Santa hat.

"Nooooo…I don't look _beautiful_ with this on," Howl wailed, and promptly fainted, hitting the ground with a large _Thwump._


	2. Chapter 2

Craze

Chapter Two

**Sofri-chan: **Here is the second drabble in my Sophie's Santa Hat Craze series. It features a certain blonde prince who had a strange experience with vegetables. For all you readers, I've never read the book so this is completely based off the movie.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Howl's Moving Castle. I did create the TRF, however

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"Where am I?" Howl asked the dark closet he'd suddenly found himself in. However, as dark closets were made without voice boxes, the dark closet didn't reply. Not that he expected it to.

Suddenly, memory hit him as though it were a rock. Which it wasn't, but it sure acted like one. He remembered Calcifer yelling for help, Sophie's…shudder…Santa hat craze, and his own fainting, reviving, and rushing into the closet.

He would have speculated further on the matter if the door of the dark closet hadn't opened (he hadn't locked it) and a yellow-clad man ran in and hid cowering behind the wizard. Behind the man, Howl got a glimpse of Sophie's craze-maddened eyes and that horrible red-and-white menace in her hand…

Slamming the door shut in Sophie's face (and locking it,) the sorcerer turned to inspect his closet-sharing companion and found it to be none other than that blonde would-be girlfriend stealer Prince Justin (formerly known as Turnip Head the Scarecrow).

"What are you doing here, you blonde would-be girlfriend stealer Prince Justin, formerly known as Turnip Head the Scarecrow?" Howl demanded, then was promptly bashed on the head with a giant poptart for being redundant.

Oblivious to the poptart, Justin frowned. "I came to visit. I would have been here yesterday, but I had an emergency meeting of the TRF—Turnip Rights Foundation, of which I am President…"

"And only member, I'm sure," the wizard scoffed, "Leave it to a blonde to form a society centered around the protection of a common root vegetable." The poptart hit him again, this time for excessive synonym use.

Again oblivious to the poptart, Justin scowled. "Might I remand you that you used to be blonde yourself, before your _girlfriend _mixed up the hair dyes?"

"But I'm not blonde anymore, blondie."

"Former blonde!"

"Still blonde!"

"Once-Blondie!"

"Blondie!"

"Your hair's ugly anyway! At least I'm _beautiful!_"

This enraged Howl "Blondie, Blondie, Blondie!" he yelled. The poptart hit him again (this time for repetitiveness) and he fainted for the second time that day.

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**Sofri-chan: **R&R. I'm thinking 2 more drabble-ish chapters.


	3. Chapter 3

Craze

Chapter 3

**Sofri-chan: **Here is the second-to-last chapter, in which Howl and Justin/Turnip-Head realize that something must be done.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own HMC.

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"Wake up, idiot!" Justin yelled, shaking the wizard awake. "We need a plan."

"A plan?" Howl asked. He was a little confused, having been hit in the head three times last chapter. Wait a minute…last chapter? "I've been passed out for an entire chapter!"

"Yes," the former scarecrow growled. "You have. And we need a plan to stop Sophie's Santa hat craze. Unless you want to spend the whole Christmas season in a dark closet?"

Howl shook his head. "I don't. Especially not in a dark closet with a blonde former scarecrow who wants to steal my girlfriend."

Justin rolled his eyes. "Listen, wizard. I don't want to steal your girlfriend. I'm dating the Witch of the Waste."

Howl's eyes bugged out. "You're dating WHO? The Witch? But she's _old, _and all she does is sleep, and ugh…that's disgusting."

"Look who's talking. You _used _to date her. And now you're dating a girl with grey hair!" the prince retorted.

"Sophie's hair makes her look pretty! Anyway, a plan…" Suddenly, Howl saw something that made his eyes bug out even farther.

It was something that could save them all…Something that could stop Sophie's craze…It was…

"RAMEN NOODLES!!" Howl yelled jubilantly. "That's IT!!! That'll stop Sophie's craze!"

"Um…but how will Ramen noodles help?" Justin asked. He obviously thought Howl belonged in the loony bin.

"Easy. We go in there, let Sophie chase us, get Heen to trip her, tie her up with the ramen noodles, and put her own Santa hat on her. Once she's got a taste of her own medicine, she'll stop making _us _wear them."

"OK," the former scarecrow replied, "I'm in."

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**Sofri-chan: **Dun dun dun….Next chapter is The Plan. Will it stop Sophie's craze? Will the ramen noodles hold her? Will we ever see that giant poptart from Chapter Two again? Tune in next time to find out…….


	4. Chapter 4

Craze

The Final Chapter

**Sofri-chan: **Here it is…the Grand Finale, Howl and Turnip Head's Brilliant Plan

**Disclaimer: **No own HMC.

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Howl held his breath as he crept out of the closet, Justin close on his heels. The wizard held the ramen noodles tightly. If this plan failed…the entirety of Howl's Moving Castle would be at the mercy of Sophie's craze.

He plastered himself against the wall as Justin/Turnip Head edged past him, gradually coming into full view of Sophie. The girl's head popped up and her eyes glimmered. "Hello…Justin…" she drawled, then pounced.

Quick as a cheetah, Howl's girlfriend began to chase her former suitor around the room. Just as they passed the chair where Heen was hiding, the dog burst out, streaking across the floor, trying to shake off the horrible Santa hat. Sophie stumbled…but it looked like she would keep her footing…she wasn't going to trip…

Suddenly, something dropped from midair and conked Sophie on the head, thrusting her to the ground. It was….

THE GIANT POPTART FROM CHAPTER TWO!!!

Grinning, Howl and Justin grabbed Sophie between them and quickly tied her up with the Ramen noodles. The prince held her down while the wizard grabbed the Santa hat from her hands and stuffed it onto her silver head.

As soon as the hat touched her hair, Sophie began to writhe and scream. A moment later, she was sobbing from the horror of it all.

"Howl…Justin…Markl…Everyone…I'm so sorry…I subjected you….to this terror!!" The crazed look in her eyes began to fade as Howl and Justin watched. Once it was completely gone, they released her.

Instantly, she grabbed the hats off of Markl, the Witch, Calcifer, and Heen, and began ripping them up ferociously. Calcifer cheered, and Howl breathed a sigh of relief.

While the wizard watched, the Witch of the Waste got out of her chair and approached Justin. "Good job, sweetie!" she told him ecstatically, and then they kissed in front of everyone.

Repulsed and shocked at the sight of the ancient Witch kissing the young prince (and because he hadn't yet this chapter,) Howl fainted, landing on the floor with a _thunk. _

Markl ignored the fallen wizard and turned cheerfully to the others. "Anyone want any poptart?"

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**Sofri-chan: **The End. Hopefully you liked this hideously random fic featuring our favorite wizard and the inhabitants of his moving castle. Thanks for reading!


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